April 26, 2025:
L'Épicerie, the jewel box of edible luxury tucked inside the ultra-swanky Le Bristol Paris, finally opened its doors... fashionably late. ⏰
10:37am instead of the promised 10:30am. Because apparently, time bends differently when you’re this prestigious. 🕰️🎩
(You see, darling, when you have foie gras that could convert a vegan, what's seven minutes between friends?)

🚪 Getting In: Like a Velvet Rope Nightclub for Croissants

When we arrived? A chic little line of eight hungry souls had already formed.
Space inside is so Parisian-compact 🗼 that only two new guests were let in at a time. Think exclusive nightclub, but instead of techno music, you get... butter and strawberries. 🥐🍓

🛍️ The Offerings: Parisian Power Moves

Inside this tiny temple of taste, you’ll find:

• Breakfast pastries (croissants & pains au chocolat sent straight from the heavens) 🥐☁️

• Handmade jams (because supermarket jams must be for peasants) 🍯👑

• Slices of smoked salmon (because why not nibble on luxury?) 🐟✨

• Foie gras that could make even your liver write a love song 🎶💖

• Cakes and pâtisseries — including rumors of the best flan on Earth 🌍🍮

We were obliged to investigate. 🔍

🍰 What We Tried (In the Name of Science, Of Course):

1) Religieuse Chocolat Sarrasin
Pâte à choux + chocolate crème + sobacha confit
💸 Price: €17.00

2) Paris-Brest Citron Noisette
Pâte à choux + hazelnut crunch + lemony Paris-Brest crème
💸 Price: €17.00

3) Flan à la Vanille et aux Noix de Pécan
Vanilla flan + almond pastry base + pecan praline + toasted pecans
💸 Price: €22.00

4) Tarte aux Fraises et Estragon
Sweet dough base + vanilla almond cream + strawberry-lime-estragon confit + fresh Ciflorette strawberries
💸 Price: €17.00

🎯 The Verdict (Forks Up!):

🥈 Religieuse Chocolat Sarrasin:
Gorgeous. Delicious. Chocolatey but balanced. Basically, edible couture. 👜🍫

🥉 Paris-Brest Citron Noisette:
Original lemony twist! 🍋 But still too rich for this humble croissant crusader. If you love traditional Paris-Brest? You'll swoon. If you prefer floating after dessert, maybe skip. 🎈

🏆 Flan à la Vanille et aux Noix de Pécan:
THIS is why I came.

• Giant (feeds four or one very determined human) 🐉

• Creamy, lush texture

• Beautiful almond-pastry base (just a tiny bit too sweet for my taste)

• Architectural brilliance 🏛️
  It’s not just a flan — it’s a cathedral of custard.

👑 Tarte aux Fraises et Estragon:
The surprise rockstar! 🌟
Best strawberry tart of my life? Possibly. No, definitely.

• The estragon (tarragon) pesto whispers in the background like a summer breeze 🌿🍓

• Lemon notes punch through like a polite French boxer 🥊🍋

• Balance, flavor, perfection. Bravo, Chef! 👨🍳🎉

🔮 Next Mission?

Next visit, I'm going for the Charlotte aux Poires et Tagètes — and maybe splurge on a room upstairs at Le Bristol Paris, part of the glittering Oetker Collection. 🛏️🌟
(Yes, the same family that owns the Hôtel du Cap-Eden-Roc. Because why settle for less when you can live your best pâtisserie-fueled life?)

🕰️ L'Épicerie Opening Hours:

Wednesday to Sunday
🕥 10:30am – 5:30pm

📞 Contact:

• Phone: +33 1 53 43 43 74

• Email: epicerie.lbp@oetkercollection.com

• Address:
  114 rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré, 75008 Paris
  (Just a stone’s throw from Élysée Palace — maybe Macron pops in for croissants, too? 🥐🇫🇷)

❗Disclaimer (aka: Calories Well Spent):

We're not Michelin inspectors. We're just pastry adventurers on a sweet mission. 🚴♂️🍰 Proceed with hunger, joy, and maybe stretchy pants. Bon appétit! 🎩🥂