Why You Shouldn't Be a Writer - The Fun Take - Funanc1al

Why You Shouldn't Be a Freaking Writer

  1. You don't read enough.
  2. You don't read everything – the classics, all papers, magazines from literary to junk, more junk, all Hugo Award winners, Oscar-winning screenplays, Pulitzer Prize winners, all Nobel Prize winners of literature, The New York Times best-sellers – for starters. Have you? All of them? What did we just say?
  3. Agents don't like you. It's because sell first, then get an agent – what are you gonna do about it?
  4. Publishers don't like you. It's because publishers like writers who sell and have an agent – ditto.
  5. ChatGPT does a better job.
  6. Blogging does not count (Got that, self?).
  7. Self-publishing does not count.
  8. There is a good chance you'll only monetize in your dreams.
  9. One out of a hundred writers wins an award or gets published in a literary magazine – if that. One percent of those get an agent. One percent of those who get an agent get to have their work published where it counts. One percent of those who are published sell books. One percent of those who sell books make real money. One percent of those who make money get rich – and I'm an optimist.
  10. You want to leave a legacy. See point 11 for starters. 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of writers will, only to die anyway.
  11. Do you mind financial instability? It may take years, decades, a life, your death to earn a consistent income, and there's no guarantee of financial success. If you're looking for a stable job with a stable income, writing may not be your best choice.
  12. Stop writing about a writer – it's you. Except that's all most writers do anyway.
  13. There is a remote chance you're good. How about great?
  14. What social life? What social interaction and bustling work environment, motherfuckers? Writing is a solitary endeavor. If you can't spend long hours alone with your thoughts, forget it. Read, write, read, write, read, write.
  15. No friend is good. No significant other in your life right now is even better. Great. Now write. 
  16. Have you started writing? What do you think, that it's all about reading?
  17. Write, write, write.
  18. Edit, edit, edit.
  19. Write a first draft. Edit. Revise. Write a second draft. Edit. Revise. Write a third draft. Wait a couple of months. Go back to it to finalize. Shit, it needs a full rewrite. Back to 1 and more drafts and so freaking forth.
  20. Rework. Again. More. You're never done. It's horrible.
  21. Do you mind grappling with self-doubt and imposter syndrome? Are you easily discouraged by self-criticism or any form of criticism at all? Good luck with that.
  22. You're a master procrastinator.
  23. You're too busy to write. Haven't we heard that one before?
  24. Lazy bastard.
  25. You can't take rejections. News for you: The job is about handling rejections. The job is rejections.
  26. You have to take another job to survive? When are you gonna read and write, then? Huh? Are you a pro or what?
  27. What incredible ideas, concepts, pitches, etc., do you have? Answer now. Go ahead. Shoot.
  28. You don't see the worst in humans – are you blind? Are you kidding?
  29. Characters, characters, characters. Can you nail characters?
  30. Story, story, story. Can you develop a compelling story – with structure, plot, and theme(s) to match?
  31. Conflict, conflict, conflict. Can you nail the conflict?
  32. What are the stakes? Any countdown? Fish out of water? Do you know all the tricks?  
  33. Do you have the imagination it takes?
  34. Can you create empathy?
  35. Can you elicit the range of human emotions – admiration, surprise, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, adoration, anger, anxiety, awe, craving, disgust, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, sexual desire, etc.?
  36. You want to be famous. Forget it.
  37. You want to be rich. Are you reading this?
  38. If you want to work from home – get Covid!
  39. How about that sense of humor? Who's gonna laugh if you're not funny?
  40. Are you observant? Can you listen?
  41. Can you sell your concepts, pitches, books, etc.?
  42. Proof is in your portfolio – what have you accomplished so far? Awards? Publications? Sales? 
  43. Can you do dialogues? Yes, that's what you think.
  44. You went to a great school – so what?
  45. You love to use verbiage and ever-so-precious vocabulary – yes, it's called being a snub and having no confidence.
  46. Do you plagiarize? How about your writing? Did someone ever think of plagiarizing it? (Get a clue?)
  47. After a humongous amount of work, less is more – get it?
  48. Can you be shameless, relentless, disciplined, detail-oriented, etc.?
  49. Do you know your legal rights – copyrights law, etc. - or are you an amateur?
  50. Have you noticed that there are a billion books out there? Tough to compete in an oversaturated market, huh? Good luck breaking through.
  51. Bonus: You must persevere.