The forecast? 🔥 Slightly warmer than the surface of Mercury.

Barcelona just recorded its hottest June in over 100 years—try 114°F (46°C) in Huelva, southern Spain. That’s not sun-kissed, that’s sun-slapped. 🌞💀 Meanwhile, sea temps from 78°F to 86°F (26–30°C) make the Mediterranean feel like lukewarm soup. Bon appétit? ☀️🗺️🔥

Portugal saw its hottest June day ever: 115°F (46.6°C) on June 29 in Mora. The prior record? 112°F (44.9°C) in 2017. So yes, we are now breaking records like piñatas.

Want to see how Europe’s heatwaves are literally reshaping the continent from space? The European Space Agency is tracking it all—like a meteorological Big Brother with a thermometer. Check out their findings here.

🗼 Eiffel Tower? CLOSED. ☹️

Tourists arriving in Paris were greeted not with romance—but a metal shutdown. The Eiffel Tower—open 365 days a year—had to shut its iron doors due to excessive heat. Previously, the monument célèbre closed for strikes (2024) and COVID (2020), but now? Global warming booked it a private sauna.

Picture this:
You finally splurge after filing your taxes (again), fly across the Atlantic, land in Paris feeling très chic… and voilà—Eiffel’s closed.
There’s no justice. Just heatstroke. 💸✈️🥵

Meanwhile in Florida? A refreshing 80°F.
That’s sweater weather now, right?

📚 Schools Out (For Heat)

Hundreds of French schools shut down as Europe melted under its first major summer heatwave. Temps hit 104°F (40°C) in Paris, with Belgium, Switzerland (practically the new tropics), and the Netherlands not far behind. 🧑🏫🚫🔥

Millions are under “extreme heat stress.”
Diagnosis: Climate Change (assumed).
Remedy: Shrug, sip water, sweat elegantly.

🌡️ What To Do When Europe Turns into a Pizza Oven

• 🧊 Drink water. Then drink more water. Avoid soda, booze, and anything that rhymes with frappuccino.

• 😎 Stick to the shade—pretend you're in a noir film.

• 💦 Ask firefighters for a firehose. Don’t start a fire to justify it, though.

• 🔫 Water pistol fights: legally therapeutic.

• 👙 Wear swimwear... even if you’re 100 miles from water. Mind over matter.

• 🐻 Visit the zoo and borrow ice from the polar bears (return not required 🐾).

• 👕 Loose, light-colored clothes = less regret.

• 🧴 Sweat is free conditioner. Air conditioning is better. Fans help too—friends or the electric kind.

• 🚿 Cold showers = joy. Baths = joy with planning.

• 🏜️ Reminder: It’s still cooler than Death Valley’s 134.1°F (1913). America wins. Again. 😬

📖 Care to Read About Heat While You Sweat?

Whether you’re roasting indoors or grilling on the Champs-Élysées, here are some thought-provoking reads for your next sauna session:

• Unsettled: What Climate Science Tells Us, What It Doesn't, and Why It Matters – Steven E. Koonin 📘 (New & Expanded: 2024)

• The New Map: Energy, Climate, and the Clash of Nations – Daniel Yergin 🗺️⚡

• Global Warming: The Great Deception – Guy K. Mitchell Jr. 😈 (for those who like their science shaken, not stirred)

🔚 Final Forecast

Life is hot.
The Eiffel Tower is closed.
Ice cubes are currency.
But hey—don't sweat it. 😎 (Or do. You really have no choice.)

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