Or Even Better: Skip the Tanks, Skip the Bill, and Celebrate Anyway? 

🪖 Kim Jong-un likes military parades. 🎖️ 
🥁 Putin and Xi Jinping seem to enjoy them too.
🚨 And yes—Hitler was quite fond of them (which, uh, doesn’t exactly help the cause).

But let’s be fair: it’s not just dictators who like to roll out the tanks and jet fighters for a little razzle-dazzle.

🇺🇸 Former U.S. presidents Eisenhower and JFK both had military parades at their inaugurations.
🇫🇷 France does it every Bastille Day—storming a jail with, like, 7 prisoners in it may not sound grand, but symbolism is everything, darling. (Also, the parade takes place on the Champs-Élysées, where you can watch tanks and then shop for designer shoes. Vive la France.)

And then came... 🥳 Donald Trump.

On June 14, 2025, Trump oversaw a full-blown U.S. Army 250th Anniversary parade on the National Mall.
Tanks? ✅
Jets? ✅
Soldiers marching past Constitution Avenue? ✅
🎂 Coincidentally also his 79th birthday, though totally unrelated. Totally.
Just your standard "world's greatest military" bash (his words, not ours).

For the White House's take on the Anniversary and Celebration, see here.

💸 But Let’s Talk Price Tag

It might have cost… wait for it… $50 million (or close).
Yup. Fifty. Million. Dollars.
For a few hours of military glam.

And who pays for it? That’s right:
You. Me. Grandma. Your cat if it had a W-2.
🧾 We the taxpayers sponsor this tank ballet.

So, hear us out:

🎁 Why Not Give Every Taxpayer a Choice?

You pay taxes?
Then you get to choose:

1. 🚁 A personal military parade (complete with marching band and overpriced popcorn)

2. 💰 Skip the whole thing and get your share back in tax cuts, fireworks, or free Netflix for a month

Now that’s what we call freedom.
Because nothing says liberty quite like the option not to be involuntarily invoiced for someone else’s cannon party.

🎇 Alternative Celebrations We’d Accept:

• Candy cannons 🍭

• Drone-delivered compliments 💌

• National nap hour 😴

• Free tacos for all 🌮

• Refunds. Just glorious, glorious refunds 🧾💵

So There Was a Miracle in Seat 11A: Should You Book It Just in Case?

🧴 Disclaimer

We love a good celebration—but not at the price of our paychecks. This is not tax advice. Nor military advice. Just parade commentary with extra glitter.

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